2014: Day One

2013 was a year marked, for me, by certainty, confusion, then more certainty, then even more confusion, then contentedness with hints of resignation at times.  It was filled with learning and growth, as I’ve come to believe each year should be for me (if I’m exactly the same is I was on January 1, 2013, come January 1, 2014, then… what have I been up to?).  The learning and growth were in some unexpected areas, and they were much deeper than they were broad.  By that, I mean, I think the areas in which I was really beaten up weren’t that many in number, but in those areas I felt forced to dwell and dig and dig and keep digging before moving on became an option.

Thinking back on everything that happened in the last year, I realized that these areas of growth had a major common thread – they involved a huge amount of me lamenting and being intensely focused on what I don’t have.  A certain winsomeness to my personality, a specific kind of relationship, “enough” money, “enough” time (this was a big one)… I observed that I did not have these things, and I dwelled on that observation, and I cried over that observation.  A lot.

A couple of weeks or so ago, a friend asked me if there is an amount of money I could ever possess that would bring me to say, “Okay, this is enough; I don’t need anymore.”  I thought this was a good question and said I really don’t know if there is.  This friend admitted that he didn't think that, for him, there is enough – that he thinks he, “unfortunately”, would always want more.  There will always be people you’ll want to take care of and things you’ll want to do, he thought.  I agreed this may be the case.  After thinking some more, I said I don’t think wanting money is, inherently, a bad thing.  I think the issue is in having your focus be on your belief that you don’t have enough and allowing that to rule your life.  Perhaps there will always be a want, but that’s cool if the want isn't your obsession.  Just focus, instead, on making the most of what you currently have.  My friend agreed with this line of thinking and said it’s probably a good way to live life in general.  And I agreed with that.

Last year, I gave a great deal of energy to obsessing over the many things I didn't have.  It was exhausting and unproductive and made me sad and foul-tempered much of the time.  Because of these results, and the conversation with my friend, and the divine Nudge to grow and change, I’m shifting my focus to what I have right now, and there is plenty, and it is all good.  So much – so much – can be done with the bounty placed in my care at this point.  It must not go to waste.

So here’s to making the time to lay these thoughts out end to end tonight.  Here’s to perspective reorientation.  Here’s to making the most of what I have right here and right now.  Cheers.