2013 was a year marked, for me, by certainty,
confusion, then more certainty, then even more confusion, then contentedness
with hints of resignation at times. It
was filled with learning and growth, as I’ve come to believe each year should
be for me (if I’m exactly the same is I was on January 1, 2013, come January 1,
2014, then… what have I been up to?).
The learning and growth were in some unexpected areas, and they were
much deeper than they were broad. By
that, I mean, I think the areas in which I was really beaten up weren’t that
many in number, but in those areas I felt forced to dwell and dig and dig and
keep digging before moving on became an option.
Thinking back on everything that happened in the
last year, I realized that these areas of growth had a major common thread –
they involved a huge amount of me lamenting and being intensely focused on what
I don’t have. A certain winsomeness to
my personality, a specific kind of relationship, “enough” money, “enough” time
(this was a big one)… I observed that I did not have these things, and I
dwelled on that observation, and I cried over that observation. A lot.
A couple of weeks or so ago, a friend asked me if
there is an amount of money I could ever possess that would bring me to say,
“Okay, this is enough; I don’t need anymore.”
I thought this was a good question and said I really don’t know if there
is. This friend admitted that he didn't
think that, for him, there is enough – that he thinks he, “unfortunately”,
would always want more. There will
always be people you’ll want to take care of and things you’ll want to do, he
thought. I agreed this may be the
case. After thinking some more, I said I
don’t think wanting money is, inherently, a bad thing. I think the issue is in having your focus be
on your belief that you don’t have enough and allowing that to rule your
life. Perhaps there will always be a
want, but that’s cool if the want isn't your obsession. Just focus, instead, on making the most of
what you currently have. My friend agreed
with this line of thinking and said it’s probably a good way to live life in
general. And I agreed with that.
Last year, I gave a great deal of energy to
obsessing over the many things I didn't have.
It was exhausting and unproductive and made me sad and foul-tempered
much of the time. Because of these
results, and the conversation with my friend, and the divine Nudge to grow and
change, I’m shifting my focus to what I have right now, and there is plenty,
and it is all good. So much – so much – can be done with the bounty
placed in my care at this point. It must
not go to waste.
So here’s to making the time to lay these thoughts
out end to end tonight. Here’s to
perspective reorientation. Here’s to
making the most of what I have right here and right now. Cheers.
